my stupid mouth
has got me in trouble
i said too much again
to a date over dinner yesterday
and I could see she was offended
she said well anyway
just dying for a subject change

oh another social casualty
score one more for me
how could I forget
mama said think before speaking
no filter in my head
oh what's a boy to do
i guess he better find one soon

we bit our lips
she looked out the window
rolling tiny balls of napkin paper
i played a quick game of chess with the
salt and pepper shaker

and I could see clearly
an indelible line was drawn
between what was good, what just
slipped out and what went wrong

oh, the way she feels about me has changed
thanks for playing, try again
how could I forget
mama said think before speaking
no filter in my head
oh, what's a boy to do
i guess he better find one

i'm never speaking up again
it only hurts me
i'd rather be a mystery than she desert me
oh i'm never speaking up again
starting now

one more thing
why is it my fault
so maybe I try too hard
but it's all because of this desire
just wanna be liked
i just wanna be funny
looks like the joke's on me
so call me captain backfire

i'm never speaking up again
it only hurts me
i'd rather be a mystery than she desert me
oh i'm never speaking up again
starting now

-john mayer

Dear Singapore Youths,
Young, energetic and fun-loving? Someone with that spark in the eyes and magnetism? Calling all YP singles to our first-ever Singles' Night Out! Join us for a night of games, fun and get to know other members from other branches. Have great fun forming your YP network of friends and enjoy the process in a unique way! Introducing a nation's first ever personalized SMS LiveChat at DXO Disco, (the former Embassy) in the clubbing scene, this event is set to rock the history of YP. Come dressed to dazzle and be captured on our YP cameras!

i don't mean to venture into politics or to comment on anything vaguely related to it, but i couldn't help it when i rcved this email. so that's what DXO is.. a sneaky badly-disguised arm of the SDU. YP btw, refers to Young PAP i think. i haven't reached the age or level of wisdom yet to be vehemently against the govt trying to matchmake us hapless singles, but i do relate to the fact that the more someone (esp someone of authority) asks you to do something, the more you refuse to, even if you did want to do it in the first place. call it pigheadedness, a stubborn streak, being unreasonable.. some things you simply can't explain. like hey, we know big brother's watching, taking note how many couples are producing valuable human resource (or not), but it's terribly eerie thinking that relationships are not just an expression of human affection, but also a precious commodity for your country. of course i'm aware of counter-arguments, like how they're just trying to help blah blah.. oh whatever. *goes back to reading a book*

oh alrighty call me hypocritical or whatever. schemes by the Govt are intrusive, but schemes by the people are ok. presenting modische.com, some new site from sam and co. it's an online community of sorts, with forums, online shopping and (no not porn) a monthly girl-next-door feature. btw if you visit the site now, don't be alarmed by the sample pic.. it's JUST a sample of how the feature will be like. it is NOT a link to porn. well it'd better not be, anyway. apparently i'm supposed to be girl August. *cue twitching eyelid* look out for it, or (preferably) not.

i caught swan lake yesterday! many many thx to marcus, the amazing tambourine catcher ;) man it was so good, the sets and costumes were so lush and splendid, simply amazing. and the dancers.. where do i even begin. i don't really need to say that they were brilliant, it's THE royal ballet for crying out loud. last night's female lead took our collective breaths away. when she stood en pointe on one leg, you could feel the deafening silence for those infinite seconds. sorry lah but all i could think of throughout the entire perf was that these people could definitely strangle you with their legs , crush your tiny skull just by clenching those muscles. i shudder to think of their poor feet.

SDT will be staging the nutcracker at the end of the year. hmm maybe will go catch it =)

heh last night was also the first time i ever went for a coffee with a random stranger. some poor new yorker, lost in city hall. kinda regret not staying longer to chat, but all the places were closed liao. tall, friendly and quite nice to look at =P don't know if i was being hypersensitive, but i did feel people looking at us differently, than if i were walking with a chinese guy. guess a lot of work needs to be done to demolish the (chinese girl + caucasian guy = spg) impression. exchanged emails, and ran off.. that's one thing i like about s'pore, can walk along the streets with a stranger at 12am without any fear. or maybe it's just me knowing that if he tried anything unusal i could do some serious injury with my 3 inch heeled boots =)

// posted by michele @ 6/27/2005 09:57:00 am
 (0) comments

and so i turn 21. strangely, not much feeling. it's just another day, another reflection of all that has happened in these few short yrs and the slow onset of horrific realisation that so much more can happen in the next 50 yrs or so. yep ever the optimist =)

but enough about that.

my neighbour jumped the other night. i never really noticed her, partly cos i was never at home, partly cos i was a selfish, ignorant person. i heard she was depressed, i heard she frequently tried to get attention, but i never really bothered. and apparently many people felt the same, and now she's gone.

i'm not quite sure what i want to say through this.

to be so sure that there's absolutely nothing left to live for. to climb up and over the railing, clutching the peeling paint. to gaze at shenton way, one last time. to steel yourself, and give a little push so you won't hit the concrete drain. i wonder what went through her mind those last few seconds. regret? relief?

joy?

depression turns your mind inwards. you can't help but see only your dark, unlit world. you'll never see how much it can affect those around you, even those who aren't close to you, much less those who do care.

futile as it is, i'd sincerely like to wish for one thing today. world peace.
may there be light to everyone.

autumn leaves
gently broken from fragile stems
blind winds, not seeing, not knowing
falls irrevocably.

the walls glittered prettily about, reflecting shards of morning light that penetrated from the outside. inside, all was quiet and serene. icicles cold to the touch, but so breathtakingly beautiful. each razor-sharp point fingered lovingly, honed by millennia of patient dripping.

an avalanche in the distance. the ground rumbled unsteadily, unleashing writhing cracks in the clear glass. barely a moment, but lasting an eternity.

white knuckles unclenched from the icicle. a scarlet splash, spattering the pristine floor.

twilight would be beautiful in this place.

for once in my life, i am well and truly speechless.

i don't know what to say

or do, for that matter.

maybe it's best not to say anything at all

like people always go, "if you can't say anything good, don't say anything at all."

maybe it'll pass

maybe it won't.

and i'm not sure i want to find out.

murphy's law states that whatever can go wrong, will go wrong.

it's like how my dad always tries desperately to avoid parking near vans and lorries, but they inadverdently end up next to his new car.
it's like how whenever you bring an umbrella out it will never rain, but the one day you don't, Hurricane Merlion descends upon you.
it's like how i hate many things, but all my jobs so far have brought me ever closer to the fray:
blanch at strong scents- sales asst at scent shop
rolls eyes at mad, female crowds at sales- sales asst at m/phosis. during gss.
detest telemarketeers- telephone surveyor
wince upon contact with saliva and cigarette smoke- bar waitress
it's like how the one thing you don't want to happen inadverdently happens and you can't do shit about it.

what can i say mon, life's a bitch and then you die.

in inline skating, many things can affect your speed and agility.

aluminium bridges are light yet durable. the quality of the bearings and size of the wheel are of course of utmost importance. the larger the wheel, the more able you are equipped for speed skating.

bro just bought me a kickass pair of blades :) the bearings are prob abec 7 or more, and the wheels are 90 friggin' mm. in comparison, my bro's pair is an abec 1, with wheels that are probably 75mm by now.

i'll prob really need to learn how to brake properly now. i'll probably look like a idiot beginner struggling with over-ambitious skates. i'll probably scare the bejesus out of everyone else by looming my by-then 185cm shadow over them.

but as soon i get the hang of these babies, east coast is gonna get a little less safe ;)

*ps* contributions towards ISFMSSCSWHBBAWHOI are still welcome, as they will be channelled to help douse michele's bro's credit card, which burst into flame shortly after 8pm yesterday.

The 3rd Annual Nigerian Email Conference: "Write better emails, make more moneys!"

covering everything from discussions (Are 10 million emails a day too many?) to lively debates (The effectiveness of using all UPPERCASE characters) , this conference was a roaring success, as chronicled by one of the attendees. too bad you missed it =P

i'm a shy person. i don't like to make a big fuss of things; if stuff doesn't go well i'd rather just slink off alone cos things are so much easier to arrange in small groups. however:

MICHELE'S 21ST BIRTHDAY IS ON 24 JUNE!!

oh my i have no idea how that appeared.. maybe someone hacked into this blog to insert that line ;) but anyway, unfortunately you are now aware of that fact and hence you are hereby obliged to wish me a good day on that day!

seriously. everyone's been asking me, "so what do you want for your birthday?" i could launch into a rambling, philosophical take on it:

the stuff i want can't be bought. it's not material, all i want is to be surrounded by people who love me and you've been doing it all this while so thank you. i want company and sweet memories to last a lifetime. a kit kat from you will be worth more to me than a box of godivas from a stranger.

but i know you're sick of hearing that from me. but i'm not a material person, i may want things but i can live without them so i don't really care. so frankly i can only think of 2 things right now:
- date me. call me up, just go for a meal/drink/session at the beach/etc, and i'll be bloody happy. i'm a sad lonesome soul ok?
- contribute towards the "inline skates for michele so she can stop wrecking her bro's beloved blades and wreck her own instead" fund (ISFMSSCSWHBBAWHOI). any amount towards ISFMSSCSWHBBAWHOI would be greatly appreciated, esp by said brother.

cheerios!

lim buey tor mumbles about life in the singular form.

it sometimes bothers me that i enjoy doing stuff alone. i go shopping alone, and blade back and forth ecp without having to look back to see if my companion is still alive after the gruelling exercise (read: retail therapy). neither do i have to struggle to keep up with someone who wants to go faster/ see other things. there is no guilt for dragging someone around, no hesitation on deciding to check out some ulu place just for the fun of it. btw i don't bio guys at ecp ok?

some reasons why i don't bio guys at ecp:
- their girlfriends are probably lurking around somewhere
- they're probably younger than me (everyone's having school hols now)
- i'm not a pretty sight up close, not with dripping sweat and glazed eyes
- appearances can be deceiving. i once saw a lean, well- built vision in spandex blading gracefully towards me, complete with oakleys. i held my breath in anticipation.

ah-pek sped effortlessly past me, grey tufts of hair fluttering lightly in the wind.

but really. east coast park is a gorgeous place to be. standing at the jetty under the bright blue sky, with shenton way in the distance, watching people fish while U2's "with or without you" played in the background. it's a surreal moment.