finally went home the other day, discovered my elderly neighbour downstairs had.. passed on. hadn't seen him in ages, esp since i'm staying in hall. basically he was so much a part of our environment, he'd always been living directly below us, always wearing that white singlet and black pants and always cooking lovely-smelling food in the afternoons, that we well, took him for granted, that he'd always be a quaint fixture in the background. but of course that's not true, now he's gone and even though i barely knew him i still feel a little sense of loss. now i dread what would happen if it were not him, if it were someone i actually knew.. if there's one thing that terrifies me it would be losing someone i know and love. whenever i think abt it i immediately start to search for other topics to chase it out of my mind, to cloud the inevitable. why is it that family is the one unit you love the most, and yet the most difficult to admit? sometimes i can't bear talking to them, but just feel like holding on and not letting go ever. words are a stumbling block when it come to them, for me. it's so hard to say out loud

i love you

i don't know when i'll be able to physically say it, but i sure can type.

je vous aime beaucoup.
to mom, dad, bro and sis.

why is it so much easier to say this to my friends?
love you all. thank you for being part of my life; you have changed mine in one way or another and i'm grateful for that. esp paveena, liangcai and jon, you've all been so sweet i wonder what i did to deserve such friends.. *hug*

i guess maybe that's why the life of a hermit appeals to me. it's the easy way out, i admit. disappear with the knowledge that everyone you know and love is all right at that very moment.